Wednesday, May 23

Page Six Revisited

87. Imagine one thousand suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine for one hour. Then, let them gradually melt into the sky. Make one tuna fish sandwich and eat. [4 points, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat]

This is a performance art piece by Yoko Ono, featured in her 1964 book 'Grapefruit'. Buy this book now. It has greatly improved the quality of my life. Most just made me a video performing the general actions of the piece in the style of Yoko Ono, which was great. But ONE team made me a very artistic video reminiscent of Yoko Ono's "Cut Piece" (A CLASSIC), where one dude was standing on a rock in the middle of the lake wearing a trash bag, and a girl waded out and cut the bag off him and he walks into the lake and it was so artistic and great! I forgot what team this was. SHOW YOURSELVES. I mean, one of you already did.

88. Fish with man with “Man with Fish”. [6 points]

"Man with Fish" is the most glorious piece of art in all of Chicago, as far as I'm concerned. For those who don't know, it's this huge statue outside of the Shedd Aquarium of a man embracing a giant fish. I strongly support fish-human harmony (Hail Sturgeon Mary), so I wanted teams to reproduce this masterpiece. Mad props to Snitchcock, whose giant fish head was excellent, especially when it appeared at Prom. Way to go, fish guy.

89. Through the turbulent millenia, two things have remained constant. Societies have always predicted the end of days, and parents have always asked their humanities-minded children, “What are you ever going to do with that degree?” In this two thousand and twelfth year of Our Lord, both eternal questions will be answered once and for all. Bring a published eschatologist to Judgment Day. [7th seal points]

I'm an anthropology major, and I like to say that I specialize in the apocalypse. This basically means that I watch a lot of post-apocalyptic dramas and reality TV shows, but also means that I'm generally interested in what eschatologists (those who study the end of days, usually in a religious context) have to say about the end of the world. Three teams completed this item (South Campus, BJ and Snitchcock I believe). When I asked them how the world will end, they all basically agreed that it won't be anything flashing, and that we'll probably just peter out. One said, "How do you know it already hasn't?" But the best answer came from BJ's eschatologist. I asked him how the world will end, and he said: "Not with a bang, but a whimper." #POEMMMZZZ

90. In Japan, everything is cute—even the bread. Bake a loaf of bread that reveals an adorable animal’s face in every slice. [6 points]

This was Cynthia's item! Yeah, you guys googled it and found the recipe for panda bread. Good job. Full points went to the team that made me HELLO KITTY BREAD. IT WAS ADORABLE. The MOST.

91. A card-carrying Republican faculty member of the Humanities Division. [5 points]

IT DOESN'T EXIST. IT. DOESN'T. EXIST. NO ONE FOUND IT. NO ONE. Someone brought me a Spanish Republican. Well played.

94. It can be embarrassing to nod off in HUM class when you’re sitting right next to your professor. That’s why there’s a new line of custom roasted coffees for HUM sequences, complete with elegant packaging and flowery descriptions! Create signature roasts for two classes, and brew me a cup of your favorite. Remember to roast your own beans. Cite your sources: your writing tutor hates a plagiarist. [18 points]

I tried to test this item myself a few times before the Hunt, and I just ended up making coffee-bean sized charcoal. That made me even more impressed by this item's completions. The guy from Snitchcock was an experienced coffee roaster who made me a cuppa joe that rivaled anything I've ever had. Bravo, sir! All of the descriptions were hilarious. Overall, pretty darn tasty. Thank you all, so so so much--NO ONE gave me cold coffee. A logistical feat if ever there was one. Also, several people made Media Aesthetics light roast. Heh heh.

95. “Merry Menstruation!” and up to four other unwanted greeting cards. [4 points]

Okay BJ, I don't know what your deal was, but this item did not call for menstrual blood. That was straight nasty. The best completions of this item were the ones that made me sad, for some reason. The invitation to a child's funeral, formatted like an invitation to a child's birthday party sticks out in my mind. I am so sad. Even now. It seems like you guys had a lot of fun with this item! This was probably the item I looked forward to most while walking around at Judgment. But I'm still so so sad. On a theoretical note, I think the greeting card is the absolute best test of comedic timing. Greeting cards are an art, you guys.

96. Be sure you’re alerted when the Judges come to call by installing a Downton Abbey-style bell board that can summon your captains to at least three locations in your headquarters. [21 points]

Obligatory Downton Abbey item omg~~! I got some amazing completions for this! Breckinridge's whole HQ was wired with an electric system that turned on little lights when a trigger was pulled. It worked from the basement, it was awesome. Snell-Hitchcock's system went in and out of their HQ, and was well polished and sturdy. It was probably the most practical installation, just what you'd need in a stately manor! Stylistically, BJ's is the only one that came close (they had the metal curly-cues and everything!), but theirs only had about a three-foot range.

97. A 9,720-calorie sculpture and the packaging to prove it. [9.720 points]

Snitchcock gave me a beautiful butter sculpture of a guy playing basketball! The NET had TEXTURE! Blintstone made a white castle out of White Castle! They used the MEAT as GLUE! GASH gave me a BALL of LARD!

98. My God! That’s the most erotic “Dear Abby” column I’ve ever seen! I can’t believe they put that in print! [2 points]

Dear Abby,
HOW DO I CLEANSE MY EYES OF THIS ITEM.
Sleepless in Chicago, Kirsten

Dear SICK,
YOU CAN'T. I'M GONNA GO WRITE SEXUALITY EXPLICIT COLUMNS NOW. xoxo, Abby.

100. Who is she? Where is she going? Well, she’s probably an urban bee farmer attending the daytime Emmys ironically. And nothing says hipster couture like a red carpet gown made entirely out of plaid flannel. Cozy! [16 points]

First, what the hell is a bee farmer? I meant beekeeper. What's wrong with me. Second, oh man. This item blew me a way. My pointing for this item was based on the hipster and the couture; it had to look like, totally better than that mainstream department store crap, and it had to be well-sewn and custom fit. Head and shoulders above the rest was Snell-Hitchcock. Their dress was well constructed and actually gorgeous. It looked like you'd find it on the runway, and not in a lumberjack's laundry pile. This was a shining moment in Scav fashion. The fullest of full points to Zsofi, Mandy, and Isabel for their spectacular work.



101. Sure, you follow the Dalai Lama, but does he follow you? Get a religious leader to follow you on Twitter. [5 points for a local leader, 10 points for a national leader, 15 points for a world leader]

There were two great completions of this item; South Campus who got the leader of an international Sufi Order, and another team, who got Rev. Al Sharpton. Someone tried to give me Yoko Ono. I see what you're doing, scavvies. Also fyi, the Dalai Lama actually has a Twitter. It's inspiring.

103. Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker’s man. Bake us a cake as. . . small as you can? As green as you can? How does that rhyme go again? Oh well. Send a baker to the baking aisle of Treasure Island at 10:30 a.m. on Thursday. I bet I’ll remember by then. [Up to 30 points]

See my other blog post, "Patty Cake: A Retrospective", for details. Michelle and MacPierce, I still love you and your delicious cake.

104. Go to a book-signing and have the author autograph your chest. [14 points]

GUYS, WE BOTHERED GREGG ALLMAN SO MUCH. I mean, the guy has played some pretty sick beats, so I'm sure he's signed some chests. But the spectacle of having your chest signed by someone who wrote a book called "My Cross to Bear"? Hilarious. At least three teams got Gregg Allman. One team got this author of some education book, which was funny. GASH got Judge Connor Coyne--well-played!

That rounds up my page! Thank you guys all so much for an amazing Hunt! I'm already plotting and scheming for next year. See you then!

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